Gratefully, Callum opted for a party with just his cousins this year, saving me from the more complicated process of planning a party with a number of his 5-year old friends. All he wanted was to decorate cupcakes and play board games, and I love him for it!
And here is Simon. He's a sweetie. A sweetie that drives me crazy, but sweet, none the less.
On another note... With the hope that most people don't actually read most of my blogs, I will take a moment to release some negative energy.
As of late, I seem to find myself drifting off in my thoughts, whether I'm washing bottles for the um-teenth time of the day, or I'm down on my hands and knees wiping up juice that was spilled off the table again, or I'm taking the cushions off the couch in search of the ever-elusive soother, or I've just finished repeating for the hundredth time that my son needs to get dressed, or I'm folding laundry in an attempt to keep myself preoccupied while my 3 -month old is screaming in his crib... Anyway, yes, I drift in my thoughts. I wonder to myself if I can feel some kind of comfort if I could think in absolutes, like "every mother feels completely defeated" and "every mother gets this angry" and "every mother lets their kids watch TV for 5 hours in a day" and "every mother loves it when her kids are not home"... But I have my doubts.
Ya, I'm in a rough patch now, and I try to remind myself that it's just a phase. I wish I could let it go, though, let go of the anger and the guilt, the self pity - why can't I enjoy this phase for what it is? I get the feeling that I'm kind of losing my mind, going a little crazy - if I hear one more complaint about what is for dinner or if I find one more thing that has been broken or ruined or if I have to repeat myself over and over and over and over again anymore, or if I have to hear anymore crying or whining or listen to the noise noise noise... - I'm gonna lose it.
But then, wait, what's that I hear? "I love you, mommy". "Thank you for lunch, mom". The sound of a baby giggling at me. The sound of 2 little boys playing superheros together and laughing. Phewph. I'm not gonna lose it. Instead, I break a big fat smile and a moment of sanity returns.
Oh my gosh I feel like you were inside my head and wrote exactly how I feel! I guess were not alone; at least we have each other:) I think that all Mom's feel this way; it's just most pretend not to and the others are too far gone that crossing back over from the crazy isn't even an option. Hang in there and enjoy the moments that make up for the insanity:)
ReplyDelete